The Future

By Sarah Dills

Published January 29, 2022

Like most 20-year-olds, The Future terrifies me. Though math is not my strong suit, I do know that starting my sixth semester of college means I have less than three semesters to go. Meaning, pretty soon I will need to decide a lot of things that I thought were a long way away: what city I want to live in, if I want to get a "grownup" job or continue my education, if I am financially stable enough to live alone or if I still need roommates. And the biggest question of all, what am I working towards?

As a kid, I was a big dreamer. At various points in my life, I believed I was going to become a teacher, a doctor, a ballerina, a veterinarian, a Disney Channel star, a singer, a New York Times bestseller, a YouTuber, and a stay-at-home, PTA president mom. Then, I entered my senior year of high school and my dreams vanished before my eyes.

I had no idea what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, or if I even wanted to go to college. With the encouragement of my parents, I applied to colleges despite the fact that I REFUSED to believe I was going to become a college student. I was terrified of the unknowns: the people that weren’t my family, the bed that wasn’t my own, the campus that wasn’t my house. I was petrified.

Yet somehow, in August of 2019, I found myself moving into a dorm room at Regis University. My first year of college changed my life. I realized I was able to live with people who weren’t my family and sleep in a bed that wasn’t familiar and find my way around my new “house.” Of course, there were countless difficulties, including homesickness, homework, roommate and friend drama, romantic interests, and other situations that could’ve never been expected. But even through the stress and the tears and the anxieties, I discovered I could do it. I could go to college and be alright.

Flash forward another year to August 2020, I was now a student at Colorado State University. I was a declared English major at a new school with no friends- and during a pandemic. Though there were so many things going against me, like social distancing, online classes, and masks, I was determined to make CSU a better fit for me than Regis was. The times I wanted to stay in bed, I forced myself onto campus. When I wanted to spend the night on the phone with my parents, I called my new friends and asked if we could get together. I once again proved to myself that I can survive the situations that I fear the most.

Today, a year and a half later, I am a junior studying Journalism and Media Communications. I have made some of the best friends I have ever had. Maybe even more impressively, I’ve learned how to spend time with myself and not be afraid of being alone. I work hard at my classes and have a well-earned 4.0 GPA. I find myself enjoying more days than not.

Looking back at the 17-year-old who was frozen with fear about her future, I know she would be in awe of the person I am today. I have done her impossibles. I have become the student, friend, daughter, sister, and woman that she never thought she could be.

The Future is still terrifying. I don’t know where I’m going, what I’ll be doing, who I’ll be with, or who I’ll become. But I am more hopeful than I used to be. I am hopeful that I will figure it out, that what is meant to happen will happen, and any situation I find myself in, I will come out of stronger and more sure of myself. Each day is yesterday’s future and each minute I live through, I’ve already conquered The Future.